WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have slammed Georgia's voting laws and similar laws across the country, and are demanding that voting be made easier.
"Voting is too hard. It needs to be made so easy that even the most uninformed moron in the country could do it," said Senator Chuck Schumer in a press conference. "As a matter of fact, we need more uninformed morons voting. We also need rubes, simpletons, goobers, nincompoops, dunces, dullards, cretins, nitwits, and half-wits voting as well."
According to election law experts, voting in most states requires only the most basic human life skills to accomplish-- such as having an ID, standing in a line, and pressing buttons. Democrats believe that's too high a barrier for their voter base.
"Voting for Democrats should be basically automatic, as long as you have at least one brain cell," Schumer continued. "Our democracy is stronger when more people vote."
Democrats are currently polling well among uninformed morons and currently enjoy comfortable leads among simpletons, dolts, and oafs.
"If we can somehow get those people to the polls," said Schumer, "we'll never lose another election!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
