PORTLAND, OR—A man in a Portland-area gulag expressed today that he's glad the president isn't tweeting mean things anymore.
He was hauled away to the gulag after it was revealed that he voted Republican in 2004. He recanted and promised to do better, but his crimes were deemed too bad to integrate him back into society, and so he was sentenced to 100 years' hard labor at the Kamala Harris Peace and Love Facility for Adults.
Despite his predicament, the man is happy there are no more mean tweets from the man in the White House.
"I mean, yeah, Biden isn't perfect -- but at least he's not Trump," he said to his cellmate as they shared a rat. "The destruction of all our institutions is bad, but his tweets are pretty good. He has people write them for him and they sound really smart and stuff. No misspellings or typos. Seems like a decent guy."
He also said he's not super-happy with the demolishing of the Supreme Court, the abolishing of the Electoral College, the increase in spending and rampant inflation, $100 gas, and tens of thousands of people pouring across our southern border. But, he says, the important thing is that the president seems civil and decent.
"Things weren't so bad under Trump," he admitted. "But his tweets were beyond the pale. I'm glad we don't live in that dystopia where Trump said mean things sometimes anymore."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
