U.S.—According to several studies of claims made by both journalists and conspiracy theorists over the last 5 years, conspiracy theorists were determined to be much more accurate than almost all journalists.
"Yeah, the last four years really flipped the numbers," said Dr. Scooter Buggleputt, who conducted the study. "To be clear, conspiracy theorists have a fairly low accuracy rate, but journalists are at almost 0% accuracy right now since pretty much everything they say is just made up."
The study cites the Russia investigation as the primary driver of journalism's descent into harmful disinformation. Meanwhile, the increasingly bizarre and depraved conduct of elites around the world lends credence to ideas that were once seen as conspiracy theories.
"What can I say?" said Buggleputt. "It's a crazy world! Now could you please pass me some more tinfoil?"
In light of this new study, the Pulitzer Prize board has announced they will be awarding their top honor to Alex Jones, for his stellar reporting on estrogen in the water making frogs gay.
CNN has dismissed the study as Russian disinformation.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
If you value The Babylon Bee and want to bypass the fact checkers who seek to have us deplatformed, please consider becoming a supporter so you can enjoy fake news you can trust.