Police are part of a system of oppression that is very systemic and oppressive. It's true-- our rich white sociology professor told us so. Some politicians are calling for us to "reimagine policing," but we think that's not far enough! It's time to imagine a world with no police!
Here are 7 reasons the world would be better without police.
1. There would be more doughnuts available for the rest of us - We're sick of showing up at the doughnut shop to find the police already came in and took all the best ones. Oppression at its finest.
2. Vigilante justice is way more fun - At least, according to the movies, it is. Why call the police when you can form your own posse and hunt down the evildoers yourself?
3. With speed limits not enforced, you can finally test the limits of your 2013 Honda Odyssey - Always wanted to see what this puppy could do!
4. There would be much more liberation of TVs from Walmart - Think about it: there are thousands of TVs, tennis shoes, and top-shelf liquor being held in captivity all across the nation. It's time to liberate these high-priced goods from their shelves!
5. Unlimited loitering outside 7-Eleven - You can stand out there for hours and no one will bother you. Heaven on earth!
6. You can yell in the library now - Not only that, but you can check out unlimited books and never bring them back with complete impunity.
7. All problems in the black community will go away - Everything wrong in the inner city is the cops' fault. If the cops go, everything will be solved. It's just that simple!
Isn't it fun to imagine? Now, all we have to do is vote in politicians who will promise to make all the cool things in our imagination come true. Get on it, people!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
PHILADELPHIA—Researchers with Independence National Historic Park have located an ancient document they say renders all national mandates and restrictions void. The document, dating to 1776, is being referred to as ‘The Declaration of Independence’ by park historians who allege it details the existence of unalienable rights and that governments derive their power from the consent of the governed. Sources indicate the document was found in the park archives, allegedly buried under a stack of Benjamin Franklin’s raunchy poems.
“We don’t usually go near those,” said historian Clay Garrett regarding Franklin’s forbidden writings. “I was definitely not reading them when I found the crumpled-up parchment that later turned out to be our nation’s Declaration of Independence."
Garrett continued, “The fascinating thing about this document is that it says King George III was a tyrant who did a bunch of things President Biden is doing right now. So I’m not really sure what to ...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In response to record levels of unprosecuted shoplifting, Walgreens stores in San Francisco have introduced a new "Frequent Looter Rewards Card."
"If you can't beat 'em, I guess all you can do is join 'em," said Sandra Lopez, regional manager in charge of 8 locations in the Bay Area. "We don't even have regular shoppers anymore—just looters."
The new punch cards will help looters keep track of their visits and allow store owners to better track their shrink levels so they can more easily make insurance claims.
"Yes, I realize this makes no sense. Some might even call it insane," said Lopez, "but nothing makes sense here in San Francisco. I'm not even sure what I'm doing here anymore. The only reason I even still live here is that there are no more U-Hauls available."
San Francisco's DA has confirmed that looters who visit a Walgreens 10 times will be awarded a free pack of cigarettes and a mail-in voter registration.
U.S.—Americans are reacting to newly unearthed statements Biden made during his presidential campaign, in which he claimed that Corn Pop's death was more impactful for the cause of justice than MLK's.
"Listen folks, no joke. I ain't kiddin' around here. For real. I know what I'm talking about. Listen carefully. I'll say this once. No joke," Biden began. "As I stood over the body of the infamous gangster Corn Pop after wrapping a chain around his head, I knew his death would have a much greater far-reaching impact than even the death of MLK. Corn Pop was a bad dude, but his death launched my path to the presidency. If I hadn't become president, the blacks would be back in chains. And a bunch of other blacks would be white due to voting for Trump. He died for a good cause!"
Civil rights leaders have tried to distance themselves from Biden in light of his remarks, at least until his remarks are no longer a part of the news cycle, at which point they will no longer distance themselves....
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