WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to growing requests from his base, Biden has issued an executive order to form a commission on whether we should throw out the Constitution or not.
"Look folks, here's the deal, Jack-- for real this time. No more messin' around. Are we really even using the Constitution anymore anyways?" he said in a statement. "Maybe we can just get rid of the old thing! Maybe we can recycle it! Green! But we... we... anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah- they told me to sign this fancy executive thingy, so I am."
The commission will be bipartisan-- equally divided between people who think the Constitution is really awesome, and people who are sworn to destroy America and all of Western Civilization if it's the last thing they ever do.
AOC has criticized the commission as a "needless distraction" from the important mission of destroying the Constitution and is calling for it to be destroyed immediately so we can get it all over with.
Kamala Harris also commented on the new commission, saying: "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The commission is expected to release a 32 billion page report detailing all their findings after the President passes on in the next year or so.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
