SAN DIEGO, CA—Carl Watson can’t wait to be finally vaccinated against COVID-19. “I’m just giddy with excitement,” he told reporters through a closed-door while wearing a mask. “As soon as I get both doses, the first thing I’m doing is putting on a mask and going back home to be completely isolated -- but I’ll be isolated while vaccinated, so I’ll be even safer!”
Watson is one of the millions of people desperately seeking the vaccine so they can go on and change no behavior whatsoever. “We can’t let our guard down just because we’re vaccinated and fully immune to the virus,” Watson said. “Now I can isolate with an even more focused intensity. I might start wearing three masks.”
While many unvaccinated people have gone back to living their lives as normal, those warier of the virus like Watson see behavior like that as murderous and evil. “Even with the vaccine, there’s still a minuscule chance I could get it or spread it,” Watson explained. “You never do things when there is a minuscule chance of harm. That’s why I never drive a car or take a shower, since I could slip and die. That’s just being courteous.”
Watson may make one trip out after getting the vaccine: to Home Depot to buy bricks and mortar for the purpose of immurement. “Vaccinated and permanently sealed inside a brick wall,” Watson mused. “You can’t follow CDC guidelines any better than that.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."