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Man Can’t Wait To Get Vaccine So He Can Go Back To Isolating While Wearing A Mask But Now Doing So While Vaccinated

SAN DIEGO, CA—Carl Watson can’t wait to be finally vaccinated against COVID-19. “I’m just giddy with excitement,” he told reporters through a closed-door while wearing a mask. “As soon as I get both doses, the first thing I’m doing is putting on a mask and going back home to be completely isolated -- but I’ll be isolated while vaccinated, so I’ll be even safer!”

Watson is one of the millions of people desperately seeking the vaccine so they can go on and change no behavior whatsoever. “We can’t let our guard down just because we’re vaccinated and fully immune to the virus,” Watson said. “Now I can isolate with an even more focused intensity. I might start wearing three masks.”

While many unvaccinated people have gone back to living their lives as normal, those warier of the virus like Watson see behavior like that as murderous and evil. “Even with the vaccine, there’s still a minuscule chance I could get it or spread it,” Watson explained. “You never do things when there is a minuscule chance of harm. That’s why I never drive a car or take a shower, since I could slip and die. That’s just being courteous.”

Watson may make one trip out after getting the vaccine: to Home Depot to buy bricks and mortar for the purpose of immurement. “Vaccinated and permanently sealed inside a brick wall,” Watson mused. “You can’t follow CDC guidelines any better than that.”

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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