U.S.—A popular new mask has a message for people who see you while you're walking around or driving about town: "I'm Not a Democrat, I Just Forgot To Take Off My Mask When I Left the Store."
This mask is handy for conservatives who live in blue states where they still have to wear masks at Walmart, Target, and the few other stores that are still open after lockdowns.
"We found that many people just accidentally left their masks on, and everyone who saw them assumed they were Democrats, which is obviously devastating," said one of the inventors of the mask, Bill F. Parton. "Now, people who glare at you for thinking you're a Democrat will take a second look, read your mask, and chuckle at you for forgetting to take off your mask. They might even give you a hug for being such a cool guy."
"Thanks for this awesome mask, guys!" said one man in Southern California. "I kept leaving Stater Bros. and forgetting to pull off my mask, and everyone thought I was one of those liberals who live up in L.A. I realized with horror as I got home that I had been wearing my mask for the full five-minute drive home. Absolutely horrible!"
The manufacturers are working on a mask that automatically destroys itself in a blaze of fire the moment you step out of Target, but there are still a few bugs to work out.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."