U.S.—After a successful 2020, media organizations have announced a cooperative effort to create at least 25% more racism in the year 2021.
"Racism is our lifeblood, it's what we live to talk about every single day," said CNN President Jeff Zucker. "We work diligently to find it everywhere we can-- and when we can't find it, we must create it. This year, we are redoubling our efforts to bathe the American public in racial resentment until everyone is living in despair and agrees how terrible our country is!"
"It's an important service we provide for the people," he continued.
Major media companies such as ABC, NBC, and CBS confirmed they will be cooperating to ensure every news story and piece of entertainment is selectively chosen and edited to hide the truth, skew reality, and tell a narrative of racism and discrimination.
"It's the right thing to do," said one NBC producer.
Sources confirmed that once racism has successfully caused the dismantling of America's legal system, they will move on to climate change to dismantle America's economic system.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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