WASHINGTON, D.C.—To fund the Biden Administration's infrastructure spending bill, Democrats are proposing a new tax on the treasures Americans have laid up in heaven.
"It has come to our attention that some Americans have chosen to lay up their treasure in heaven instead of here on earth," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "Americans who use heaven as a tax shelter are unpatriotic and aren't paying their fair share. We must address this problem."
According to biblical sources, Christians in heaven currently enjoy mansions, crowns, and streets of gold-- all tax-free. Their religious teachings actually encourage them to forgo amassing earthly wealth in favor of building up heavenly wealth through faith and good works.
"This is very immoral," said Senator Bernie Sanders. "It's simply inhumane to let people in heaven enjoy all that wealth when so many people on earth-- not to mention in hell-- are having to do with less!"
Since scientists and theologians have not yet found a way to confiscate wealth from the celestial realm, Democrats will estimate people's heavenly treasure based on religious fervor and will require the taxes to be paid in full from the people's earthly treasure before they die.
"This is much fairer," said Senator Sanders.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
