SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—According to sources, local English major Charlie Miller was able to ace her final exam by simply writing in the word "racism!" for every answer.
"Yeah, I completely forgot to study last night so I figured I would try it," she said. "90% of my lectures this year were just hour-long sessions of my professor saying 'racism' over and over again in different inflections, so I figured my chances were pretty good if I made that the answer to all the test questions."
The Skidmore College English professor who delivered the passing grade explained her rationale. "Charlie's test answers weren't technically correct, but they spoke to a deeper truth: everything is racist. At Skidmore College, creating leftist radicals who can find racism everywhere and help us burn down Western Civilization is much more important than educating people. For that reason, we decided to give her a passing grade!"
Local sources say Skidmore College is facing an influx of racist behavior, such as students being openly conservative and voting for Republicans or Libertarians.
"The rise in white supremacist activity at our school is really frightening," said the professor. "One girl named Hannah Davis actually tried to start a conservative student organization on campus. I'm literally shaking right now just thinking about it."
In addition to accepting "racist!" as the answer to every question on every test, the professor said she will offer extra credit for sending threatening letters or doxxing conservatives.
"We have to do this so our students will feel safe," she said.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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