NEW YORK, NY—Multiple media outlets have rushed to the scene of what appears to be an evil, Nazi facility that is somehow still operating to this day. Early reports indicate that the sinister facility has been murdering babies in the womb and selling the parts off to be experimented on by mad Nazi scientists.
“What we’re seeing here is a disgusting remnant of the Nazi regime,” said Jim Acosta live at the scene. “This facility must have been built by the fascist Trump administration and his ilk as they somehow stooped to new, horrific lows.”
“I shudder to think of all of the atrocities and experiments that were performed here in the name of science.” Acosta continued. “It’s truly disturbing to discover Nazi eugenics still happening today and right under our noses.”
“They even had the audacity to call themselves a nonprofit. Really gross stuff,” added another CNN broadcaster.
Jim Acosta finally made his way into the building expecting to find Nazi flags and uniforms, but instead, he found staff wearing lab coats that said Planned Parenthood. “FALSE ALARM! Everyone pack it up! It’s just a Planned Parenthood. Nothing to see here except for free women’s healthcare.”
The media abruptly shut the cameras off and left the area immediately as soon as they wrote Planned Parenthood another donation check.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."