MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In preparation for the results of the Derek Chauvin trial, local business owner Candace Farnsworth has increased her peaceful protest insurance coverage.
"I've been doing business in the city for 32 years," she said to reporters. "I fully support BLM and their wonderful peaceful protests," she said while raising one fist.
"However, if the protests get so peaceful that my shop gets peacefully looted by brave liberators of my entire stock, or gets peacefully burned to the ground by the flames of peaceful justice, I need to be prepared."
Farnsworth said she would be using her stimulus check and PPP loan to pay for the increased insurance premiums until the peaceful peacefulness finally subsides. Her insurance company will require her to hang a "Black Lives Matter" sign outside her business for the entirety of the peaceful protests to protect against any encroaching peacefulness.
According to sources, she soon thought twice about it and decided to just move to Florida instead.
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