MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Local woman Chloe Larson heard that there were protests going on in the name of racial justice. She wasn't really interested, though, until she heard that protesters were looting a local Target. Larson immediately jumped up and shouted "For George Floyd!" as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.
Baffled sources confirmed that she still somehow managed to spend $250.
"I'm not sure this lady knows how looting works," said one Target employee. "Just out of habit, she came up to our last self-checkout machine that hadn't been smashed in and looted yet and happily spent $250 on her Target card. I tried to tell her everything was free today, but she didn't seem to hear. She said something about getting points on her Target app."
She also stopped at the in-store Starbucks and looted a Frappuccino, somehow spending $6.
Larson then stopped to loot a Hobby Lobby on the way home and managed to spend over $1,000, sources had confirmed at publishing time.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
