U.S.—The nation's white fathers recently learned about the rampant issues of racial injustice facing people of color in this nation. When they heard that people were going to get free sneakers to help justice or whatever, the fathers immediately jumped on board to score their own pairs of sneakers.
But instead of the Nike Store, most of the white dads ran over to Walmart to pick up a pair of sweet New Balances.
"I care about justice!" shouted local father Brent Paulson as he grabbed a sick pair of New Balance Men's 608 V6 Casual Comfort Cross Trainers. "I hereby take these sweet sneaks in the name of Jim Floyd, or whatever that guy's name was!"
On the way out of the store, Paulson snagged some batteries. "Can never have too many batteries!"
"If this is what protesting for justice looks like, count me in!" he shouted. "Justice! Justice! Justice!"
At publishing time, all fathers had joined Black Lives Matter after learning they could score a new lawnmower at Home Depot.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."