MINNEAPOLIS, MN—BLM organizers celebrated the verdict of the Chauvin trial this week. In a touching and healing gesture, they have offered to rebuild the wreckage of Minneapolis and return all looted items back to their owners.
"We did what we came to do," said one BLM organizer. "Now we have achieved perfect justice and our work here is completed. We are looking forward to being a part of reconciliation and healing moving forward."
For the next several years, organizers will be donating their time to repair broken windows, restore torched cars, and return costly loot back to their rightful owners.
"It's the least we can do," said another organizer. "We are so thankful for the American justice system that gave the defendant due process and rightfully convicted him as guilty. What a great country we live in!"
The country is expected to now join in unity and hold hands in gratefulness-- at least until the latest outrage is broadcast on the evening news.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."