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September 08, 2024

Americans Unanimously Agree To Vote For Whichever Candidate Stops Sending Them Campaign Donation Text Messages

"Please…just make the texts stop," said Casey Muller, an American voter who spends about three hours a day deleting campaign texts. "I've already had to go part-time to keep up with deleting all of the messages. We give up, all right? I'll vote for whoever just stops sending the text messages first!"

https://babylonbee.com/news/americans-unanimously-agree-to-vote-for-whichever-candidate-stops-sending-them-campaign-donation-text-messages

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59

Kamala Safe And In Stable Condition After Attempted Interview

"Thankfully, Vice President Harris is safe and in stable condition," a campaign spokesperson said. "We all feared the worst when that crazed person emerged from the crowd and attempted to interview the sitting U.S. vice president right there in broad daylight. Someone must be looking out for her, though, because she avoided suffering any damage in the incident."

https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-safe-and-in-stable-condition-after-attempted-interview

40 minutes ago

Vatican Installs 'Heresy Jar' In Pope's Office

"We've got to do something to cut back on the blatant heresy," said one Vatican insider. "One day Francis is out there saying same-sex unions can be blessed by the Church, the next day he's somewhere talking about how all faiths lead to God. We came to the conclusion that we just couldn't keep up with all of His Holiness's heretical statements, so we had to resort to putting a Heresy Jar on his desk. We're really hoping this fixes the problem."

https://babylonbee.com/news/vatican-installs-heresy-jar-in-popes-office

Guy At British Restaurant Not Sure If Chef Messed Up His Meal Or If It's Just Supposed To Taste Bad

Ludwig's wife Clara also expressed confusion over whether or not the dish she ordered was supposed to have cold beans on it or if maybe the chef mistook her plate for a plate of dog food he was prepping for his pet.

https://babylonbee.com/news/guy-in-british-restaurant-not-sure-if-chef-messed-up-his-meal-or-if-its-just-supposed-to-taste-bad

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