We did the research, and the results are in: there's no possible way to be happy or successful in life unless you go into crushing debt to attend a 4-year university. Still not convinced? Here are 7 reasons you MUST go to college if you ever hope to be successful in life!
1. Attending college will ensure you enter the workforce with almost zero of those annoying practical skills: Practical skills are for those working-class peasants who make 200K per year installing HVAC systems. You don't need that.
2. You'll amass mounds of crippling debt, which is a great life lesson in poor decision making: Plus, crippling student loan debt will keep you from buying a house, which is good because houses are a lot of work.
3. You might meet your future spouse passed out in a puddle of vomit at a party: And if you get married, you can start your life with 2 times the student loan debt! The American dream!
4. Unlimited frozen yogurt at the food court: Only $40,000 per year.
5. You get to experience the joy of paying $300 for a textbook on gender studies you'll never read: And after you graduate, you can look forward to a lifetime of fundraising calls to help students pay for their $300 gender studies books!
6. Learn new life hacks: like putting Bounce dryer sheets behind a fan to overcome the smell of your roommate who never showers. Invaluable knowledge!
7. If you acquire a graduate degree, Starbucks might let you become a shift manager: you can match the career earnings of a postman when you're 56, and really make bank in your 60s!
Need we say more? There's no question that a college degree is your ticket to success. Now get out there and make your mark on the world! And please, no whip on my latte.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."