CHICAGO, IL—Mayor Lori Lightfoot has announced new rules for the Chicago Police Department, declaring that officers must ask for a suspect's consent before arresting him or her.
While the city had previously announced that police officers would have to ask for permission from headquarters before chasing criminals, Lightfoot said that initiative didn't go far enough to address inequality in police work. Permission, she says, really should be sought from the criminal rather than the police station when putting anyone in custody.
"Before our officers arrest any criminal, they will have to ask the criminal's permission," said Lightfoot. "To do otherwise would be to violate the criminal's rights as he beats someone up, shoots another human, or burgles homes and business."
"This is community policing at its finest, where the criminal is always right."
Police will have to get a permission slip signed by the criminal, ask them about their feelings, and inform them that they have the right to leave at any time for any reason at all. Should the criminal decide they would like to continue committing crimes instead of being arrested, the police officer will be forced to apologize and pay reparations for offending the victim.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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