"We tried to give the folks at Hezbollah a call to thank them for their hard work, but they wouldn't pick up for some reason," Deese said as he signed a plaque reading "We're Not Number One Anymore." "It was touch and go here for a while — we've been losing 'em almost as fast as we can teach them to scoop fries. I wonder how Hezbollah manages to do it over there. I do hear their business is really booming of late."
https://babylonbee.com/news/hezbollahs-turnover-rate-officially-surpasses-mcdonalds
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
A Cheesecake Factory press release vehemently denied any allegations that the restaurant had anything to do with the incident. "We just do cheesecake," a spokesman said. "When we say ‘Our food is the bomb!' this isn't at all what we mean."
https://babylonbee.com/news/exploding-restaurant-buzzer-takes-out-hezbollah-party-of-6
"What kind of drag queen am I? The whole point of this thing is to be as weird and gross in front of kids as possible. If a two-year-old isn't trying to grab at your boa and yank on your fishnets, why even perform? I'm a failure," McDiva lamented.
https://babylonbee.com/news/sad-drag-queen-wants-to-perform-but-there-arent-any-kids-around
"He was very polite — he even called me 'Sir,'" Greg recalled. "We had a very pleasant conversation about the economy, but he seemed to think being $30 trillion in debt was bad for the country. And then at the end as we were saying our goodbyes, he pulled out his wallet and offered me a weird little card with his name, address, fax, and phone number on it. I was stunned — and then he asked if I had what he called a 'business card.' I looked around, but there weren't any DeLoreans in sight. Talk about wild."
https://babylonbee.com/news/do-you-have-a-business-card-asks-man-who-must-be-time-traveler-from-1987