The Babylon Bee
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2 hours ago

Sad: Hezbollah's Turnover Rate Officially Surpasses McDonald's

"We tried to give the folks at Hezbollah a call to thank them for their hard work, but they wouldn't pick up for some reason," Deese said as he signed a plaque reading "We're Not Number One Anymore." "It was touch and go here for a while — we've been losing 'em almost as fast as we can teach them to scoop fries. I wonder how Hezbollah manages to do it over there. I do hear their business is really booming of late."

https://babylonbee.com/news/hezbollahs-turnover-rate-officially-surpasses-mcdonalds

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
22 hours ago

Exploding Restaurant Buzzer Takes Out Hezbollah Party Of 6

A Cheesecake Factory press release vehemently denied any allegations that the restaurant had anything to do with the incident. "We just do cheesecake," a spokesman said. "When we say ‘Our food is the bomb!' this isn't at all what we mean."

https://babylonbee.com/news/exploding-restaurant-buzzer-takes-out-hezbollah-party-of-6

20 hours ago

Sad: Drag Queen Wants To Perform But There Aren't Any Kids Around

"What kind of drag queen am I? The whole point of this thing is to be as weird and gross in front of kids as possible. If a two-year-old isn't trying to grab at your boa and yank on your fishnets, why even perform? I'm a failure," McDiva lamented.

https://babylonbee.com/news/sad-drag-queen-wants-to-perform-but-there-arent-any-kids-around

20 hours ago

'Do You Have A Business Card?' Asks Man Who Must Be Time Traveler From 1987

"He was very polite — he even called me 'Sir,'" Greg recalled. "We had a very pleasant conversation about the economy, but he seemed to think being $30 trillion in debt was bad for the country. And then at the end as we were saying our goodbyes, he pulled out his wallet and offered me a weird little card with his name, address, fax, and phone number on it. I was stunned — and then he asked if I had what he called a 'business card.' I looked around, but there weren't any DeLoreans in sight. Talk about wild."

https://babylonbee.com/news/do-you-have-a-business-card-asks-man-who-must-be-time-traveler-from-1987

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