HUDSON, OH—It’s been a crazy time for the past year, but some Ohio residents were exposed to a very confusing sight: Outside walking alone was a man wearing a red “Make America Great Again” hat and also wearing a mask. It gave people a headache just to look at him.
“It's baffling to observe,” said one person. “You see the MAGA hat and go, ‘Here’s some far-right Trumper,’ but then you see the pointless virtue-signaling mask and think, ‘Here’s some left-wing ninny who is going to go all Karen on me.’”
"It's like, pick a lane, man!"
No one was able to comprehend the man, as he was strongly signaling two opposite political beliefs, like someone wearing a Gadsden flag shirt with a hammer and sickle pin. A number of theories arose about him. Some thought he was wearing the mask because he was a Trump-loving ninja. Others suggested he was a far-left weenie whose head was cold and just didn’t pay much attention when grabbing a hat, perhaps thinking it was a Cincinnati Reds hat.
What people eventually settled on is that he was maybe one of those libertarians and everyone should definitely observe at least a six-foot distance from him lest he start arguing with them.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."