HOUSTON, TX—Local girl Caitlyn Grace got quite the shock when her family returned from the beach this weekend, as her pet beta fish “Sweetie Pie” had suddenly transformed from pink to orange.
“Mommy, mommy! What happened to Sweetie Pie?” cried Caitlyn, tears welling up in her big blue eyes. “Is he sick? Is he going to die?? I love him sooo much!” whimpered little Caitlyn, grasping her mother’s legs.
A series of glances passed from Mom to Dad – first abject fury, followed by confusion, then finally a mutual understanding.
“Honey, we have something to tell you about Sweetie Pie”, said Dad. “He…is... MAGIC! We bought you a very special beta fish, who every so often can do an amazing trick where he changes color, and maybe size and shape too! Sweetie Pie is absolutely fine, honey. He’s just showing you his magic – isn’t that great?”
Anxious moments passed as Mom and Dad watched little Caitlyn process the unexpected news. Slowly, the tears left her eyes and a big smile spread across her face. “Aww I love my magic fish! Thank you thank you! Can I have some crackers?” asked a relieved Caitlyn as she bounced away to her room.
Mom and Dad soon heard Caitlyn call, “Mommy!! What happened to my hamster??”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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