LOS ANGELES, CA—The 2021 Oscars ceremonies have been delayed after local authorities were forced to clear out a large tent city that had sprung up at Union Station overnight.
"Ew! Get them away from me! Get them away!" shrieked a terrified Gwyneth Paltrow as local cops doused the camp with a large aerosol can of "Hobo-B-Gone" spray. More cops soon arrived with tactical gear and machine guns to remove the unwanted blight from the presence of Hollywood royalty.
The event was further delayed after award presenters Joaquin Phoenix and Sean Penn were mistaken for hobos and hauled off to prison.
"We are so sorry for this unfortunate delay," said Governor Gavin Newsom to the one reporter who is still attending his press conferences. "We are looking for a holding area for all these smelly hobos so the event can continue undisturbed."
More confusion ensued, however, after it was discovered that most of the tent city inhabitants were Oscar nominees who can no longer afford to live in LA.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."