WORLD—Thousands of scientists around the world are looking for new work after they realized the science is settled and there was no need for them anymore.
"The science is settled," said climatologist Blorg Norbergrobben as he hung his head sadly. "I heard that on CNN. What am I going to do with my life now that all knowledge has been uncovered and will never be overturned by new discoveries? Maybe I'll get a job as a political advisor!"
Experts have indeed found that the science is settled on climate change, infectious diseases, gender, the origin of biological life, sociology, nutrition, and pretty much every other scientific discipline the government is still willing to fund.
Most scientists have taken new jobs as politicians and media personalities so they can assure the public about how incredibly settled the science is.
One scientist tried to insist that the science wasn't settled, but he was labeled as a "science denier" and kicked off social media.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
