WORLD—Thousands of scientists around the world are looking for new work after they realized the science is settled and there was no need for them anymore.
"The science is settled," said climatologist Blorg Norbergrobben as he hung his head sadly. "I heard that on CNN. What am I going to do with my life now that all knowledge has been uncovered and will never be overturned by new discoveries? Maybe I'll get a job as a political advisor!"
Experts have indeed found that the science is settled on climate change, infectious diseases, gender, the origin of biological life, sociology, nutrition, and pretty much every other scientific discipline the government is still willing to fund.
Most scientists have taken new jobs as politicians and media personalities so they can assure the public about how incredibly settled the science is.
One scientist tried to insist that the science wasn't settled, but he was labeled as a "science denier" and kicked off social media.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
