EL PASO, TX—Kamala Harris has been spotted everywhere except the border, where she's supposed to be addressing the immigration crisis her administration, along with Joe Biden, created. But she's made up for her absence by having free copies of her book passed out to children.
Former President Trump wasn't going to take this lying down, though, and decided to one-up her by visiting the border before she ever got within 1,000 miles of it and hand out copies of his own book, The Art of the Deal.
"Hola, muchachos!" Trump said as he arrived to cheers from the migrants locked in cages. "I have a wonderful, fantastic gift for you all -- a book! Do you guys have books in your country? We have them here in this tremendous country. Books. I think that was one of mine. I came up with them. America is the only place with books, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, enjoy! And have fun getting packed tightly in those cages like sardines -- you can thank Fake President Joe for that! Sad!"
Unfortunately, Trump forgot to hand out Spanish copies of the book, so most migrants could not read it. But they have been able to fashion comfortable beds, chairs, and other elaborate pieces of furniture using Art of the Deal and copies of Kamala Harris's book.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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