ATLANTA, GA—Another scientist has joined the consensus of experts saying we need to stop eating beef to prevent climate change. Casual observers, though, noticed that the scientist looked suspiciously like a Chick-fil-A cow wearing a lab coat.
"The science is settled," said the scientist bearing a remarkable resemblance to a Chick-fil-A cow. "This isn't an issue of beef not being delicious, because it is. This is an issue of morals. What will we -- MOO! -- ahem, excuse me -- what will we tell our grandchildren we did to fight climate change?"
"This is a worldwide MOOvement. If we don't stop eating beef, everything else we do will be a MOOt point. You can't silence me, you can't MOOt me. Let's pull together and shoot for the MOOn when it comes to fighting climate change. Anything less than fighting this thing with 100% of our resources would be an udder disgrace."
When asked for alternatives to beef, such as bugs and tofu, the scientist said that actually chicken is the best meat to eat if you want to fight climate change. The expert then passed out coupons for a free chicken sandwich at Chick-fil-A, further raising eyebrows.
"Hey, wait a minute! That's just a cow in a lab coat!" cried one reporter. He was then fired, canceled, and sent to the gulag for disagreeing with SCIENCE.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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