JERUSALEM—John Kerry recently made a trip to Israel for climate talks but was delayed at the border. According to sources, Israeli forces asked him to remove his explosive vest before entering the country.
"Mr. Kerry, sir, would you mind removing that explosive suicide vest you're wearing before you enter?" said an IDF soldier.
"How DARE you, young man! I... am John Kerry," said John Kerry. "This is a mere fashion item! I, John Kerry, would never purchase explosives in Iran and attempt to sneak them into your fine country to become a martyr for the glorious nuclear world power of Iran! How dare you accuse me, John Forbes Kerry, of such a thing!"
"I didn't accuse you of that sir," the soldier allegedly replied. "Can you please just take it off? You're making everyone a little nervous."
John Kerry then called Iranian President Rouhani to tell him all about how rude the IDF soldiers were being to him.
President Biden has condemned Israel for treating John Kerry so unfairly and plans to announce sanctions.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
