WASHINGTON, D.C.—After successfully plundering the dreams and futures of your great-grandchildren to pay off unions and poorly run blue states, the Democrat Party has announced they are moving on to plundering your great-great-grandchildren.
"We wanted to spend another $6 trillion, but we ran out of everyone's great-grandkids' money," said Senator Chuck Schumer, "but then we found all the great-great-grandkids' money! So much money! So we decided to spend it."
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi also backed the legislation, saying: "Your great-great-grandkids aren't around to stop us, which is good because spending all this money is a moral Christian imperative!"
Investigative reporters discovered, however, that Pelosi's great-great-grandkids are actually living, as well as her great-great-great-grandkids. Sources say they have all condemned the reckless spending bills.
Pelosi then denounced her great-great-grandkids and her great-great-great-grandkids as "heartless" and "shameful."
The House is suspected to vote on a bill next month to steal from your great-great-great-great-grandkids.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
