EVANSVILLE, IN—According to sources, a local family has been forced to buy a second freezer to hold all the nasty brown bananas they've been saving to make banana bread.
"I bought a bunch of bananas today, and they turned from green to brown on the drive home like they always do," said housewife Callie Sanders. "But when I went to put the overripe bananas in the freezer, I realized our freezer was already full of overripe bananas."
An investigation found they already had frozen bananas going back ten years that had never been used.
To avoid throwing these perfectly good ingredients away, the family elected to do the reasonable thing and purchase a second freezer. This will allow them to make delicious banana bread later--which they're totally going to do.
Later that week, they also decided to purchase a second trash can for all the leafy greens they always buy but never touch.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."