BOISE, ID—According to sources, local couple Ryan and Jessica Smith spent 3 hours looking for a movie to watch last night, only for Ryan to fall asleep 12 minutes into the film.
"He does this every time!" said a frustrated Mrs. Smith to reporters. "It takes the entire evening to scroll through our Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, HBO, and Apple TV accounts to find something we both feel like watching. As soon as we start the movie, he just falls asleep.
Experts have confirmed that the average American spends 1000% more time scrolling through their options than they do actually watching something.
Mr. Smith disagreed, insisting he stayed awake for the entirety of last week's monthly viewing of Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition. "Besides, I'm awake right now! I'm totally interested in this movie and I'm... not... falling... asleep..." he said before tipping his head back and falling asleep.
Twelve minutes after Ryan fell asleep, Jessica also fell asleep.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
