AFTERLIFE—In a statement issued from the afterlife, various Civil War soldiers said that while it was tragic that they had to experience the war that threatened the Republic, they were at least thankful that they weren't around on January 6, 2021, when the absolute worst attack on our democratic ideas occurred.
The soldiers were standing around shooting the breeze while waiting to be judged for their deeds, good or bad, and all agreed that the Capitol riot was much worse than anything they experienced in the Civil War.
"Yeah, we had it pretty rough -- but at least we weren't around when a few hundred people walked around the Capitol taking pictures," said John Rumplestin III, a Union soldier who was killed in the Battle of Gettysburg. "That's when our democracy really died."
"I know the Union almost got broken apart forever," said Rumplestin, "but it was a walk in the park compared with the horrors of January 6 -- truly a day that will live in infamy."
At publishing time, the victims of the attack on Pearl Harbor had agreed with the Civil War soldiers that while they had it bad, they were just thankful to God that they didn't have to see the tragic attack on the Capitol.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
