The Babylon Bee
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Well-Adjusted Adult Man Pins Emotional State For Next Three Days On 19-Year-Old Kicking Oblong Ball Between Sticks
"So, it comes down to this," said Gary Lansing, his heart pounding. "Will I have peace in my soul and a gentle spirit, or will I be completely insufferable to my family and anyone who comes into contact with me? It is all on what this boy several states over does with his foot."
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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
00:50:59
Excited Lobbyists Line Up Outside Capitol For Doorbuster Deals On Congressmen
"You have to bribe early to get the best prices," said Fred Drummond, a lobbyist for several large pharmaceutical companies. "Last year, we were able to land a dozen representatives and four senators on great deals. Ever since Congress started running these Black Friday specials, our lobbying dollars have gone a lot further. Never before have we been able to influence so much legislation in our favor. If you are looking to buy off some lawmakers, you cannot beat Black Friday."
All Other MLB Teams Forced To Forfeit As Dodgers Sign Every Baseball Player In Existence
"There is literally nothing else we could do except forfeit," said New York Mets General Manager Carlos Mendoza. "They have managed to sign every single baseball player currently walking the face of the earth. I heard they signed three contracts with unborn infants, too. I hate to say it, but they beat all of us. And by "beat us," I mean they made it so we literally cannot sign any players. Because they are all Dodgers now."
In Huge Black Friday Deal, Dyson Vacuum On Sale For Just $7,000
"Oh my goodness, just $7000? For a Dyson?" asked Melinda Jones, a Cincinnati resident, upon finding out about the sale. "Jeff, cancel that mortgage payment — we might finally be able to afford a Dyson vacuum after all! Hallelujah... you have got to love Black Friday."https://babylonbee.com/news/in-huge-black-friday-deal-dyson-vacuum-on-sale-for-just-7000
