WASHINGTON, D.C.—Move over, Champ and Major! There’s a new pet in the Biden family, and he may be the ticket to smoothing over relations with China. The White House has officially announced the arrival of their new cat “Chairman Meow”.
Meow has been named after the revolutionary Communist leader who founded the People's Republic of China: Chairman Mao.
“We are so excited to welcome ‘Chairman Meow’ to the family,” said a beaming President Biden. “We got him from Beijing. He already thinks he’s in charge of the place! Ha! That rascal. Always walking on the keyboard in the Situation Room, sending funny messages. And lemme tell ya-- he smells great. Come here and let me sniff you, little devil!” yelled Biden as he chased after the new pet.
After a couple of early unfortunate incidents with Major, the Secret Service has been forced to divert a squad to protect Chairman Meow. The assignment has become highly coveted, as it never involves restraining the President from trying to punch a mirror.
According to sources, Chairman Meow is already exercising his will over White House staff. He has already sent one caretaker to the labor camps after he failed to heat up his Fancy Feast to the proper temperature.
When reached for comment, the cat responded, saying: "meow."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
