DALLAS, TX—America's evangelicals are diligently searching the scriptures to find out when Trump will return to claim his rightful throne as America's president. According to sources, local man Buzz Campbell is flipping through the book of Revelation for new clues as to Trump's return.
"It's gotta be in here somewhere!" said Campbell said as he frantically flipped through the pages. "Maybe Trump is one of the four living creatures? Or maybe he's the 7-headed beast that comes out of the ocean? That would be epic."
According to America's Evangelical prophets, Trump is just laying low as the wrath of Biden and his commie hoards are unleashed upon the earth. After the appointed time, Trump will return to claim his throne and clean up all the corruption, human trafficking, and fake news so Jesus can come back.
"We must be patient," said First Baptist Pastor Robert Jeffress. "The earth is groaning under the oppression of the Democrats-- with their pronouns and their hatred for the 2nd Amendment. But I assure you-- Trump will return and wipe away every tear."
"Maybe it will even happen today!" Jeffress continued.
Reporters reached out to Trump for comment but were unable to reach him since he was enjoying the beautiful weather on his golf course.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
