The Babylon Bee
Culture • News • Comedy
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Nation's Baptists Begin Exodus To Promised Land Of D.C. Where Dancing Is Now Banned

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Baptists from around the country have left their hometowns to raise their families in Washington D.C. where Mayor Bowser has made dancing illegal.

"We are so grateful to finally live in an area that supports our beliefs," said Baptist Deacon Dale Geisler. "We always thought D.C. was a swamp of evil and corruption, but it appears there has been a glorious spiritual revival with this new ban on dancing."

D.C. was on edge this week as thousands of 15-passenger vans filled with homeschoolers rolled through the district. "We don't want their kind here," said one politician anonymously. "They'll bring their casseroles and their jean skirts and totally ruin the vibe around here."

Mayor Bowser was later forced to clarify that the dancing ban was a temporary measure to prevent COVID-- as well as all fun, human connection, and joy-- but it was too late as over 20,000 Baptist families had already taken up residence in neighborhoods and tent cities throughout the area. Baptists have expressed their plans to make D.C.'s ban on fun and dancing permanent.

D.C. authorities are considering plans to relocate all the Baptist families before they start having tent meetings and baptizing everyone.

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
May 09, 2026

UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion

"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."

https://babylonbee.com/news/ufo-files-reveal-aliens-here-and-already-defrauded-minnesota-for-20-billion

May 09, 2026

Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws

"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrat-effort-to-retake-congress-once-again-thwarted-by-existence-of-laws

May 08, 2026

Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote

"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."

https://babylonbee.com/news/virginia-considering-new-measure-that-just-makes-it-illegal-for-republicans-to-vote

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals