LANGLEY, VA—The Central Intelligence Agency has already seen results of its new intersectional hiring campaign. The Agency’s recent recruits have announced they’ve broken up an ISIS plot to refer to people by incorrect pronouns.
“That’s literal violence,” explained CIA Agent MaKenna Wallace, a recent Gen Z hire with a degree in women’s studies. “I’m shaking right now just thinking of it.”
The CIA jumped into action, though, and got those ISIS members kicked off Twitter. “They’re not going to hurt anyone now,” MaKenna added. “I mean, they could be on Parler, but I’m not going to get an account there to check that out. Ew.”
The incorrect pronoun plot got the agency really worked up, and they’ve temporarily shut down to give everyone there a chance to rebalance, which is why they have yet to look into all those bombs that just went off in Europe. They may have to leave that to others, though, as they’ve reportedly obtained intel that terrorists are plotting to obtain deadnames, which MaKenna described as “as bad as a dirty bomb times a million.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
