DETROIT, MI—According to a tragic report, local mother Lyn Smith has given birth to a precious brand-new human life, completely missing out on having her soul crushed every day in her corporate career. Mr. Smith has picked up extra hours at his job so she can stay home with her baby.
Sources say Mrs. Smith has given life to a gorgeous baby boy who has filled her life with transcendent love and meaning, unlike anything she has ever experienced.
Unfortunately, this has caused her to miss out on the coveted "Salesperson of the Fiscal Quarter" award at her former employer Omnicorp. She has also missed out on 1823 hours of overtime, 372 Zoom meetings, 12 unwanted advances from male co-workers, and all the respect of feminists familiar with the situation.
"Just look at her over there, rolling on the floor with that sweet, pudgy little baby," said her former co-worker Sandra as she took her cats out to brunch. "Disgusting. Just a baby factory for her husband. Too bad she'll never match my achievements in life!" she said as she held up her coveted "Most Improved Office Assistant of the Fiscal Quarter" award.
We reached out to Mrs. Smith for comment, but she was too busy laughing and tickling her 1-year-old bundle of joy to pay any attention.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
