SACRAMENTO, CA—After suffering its first population decline in recorded history, California’s governor Gavin Newsom took up his pickaxe and headed for the hills to do the one thing left in his power to bring people back: stir up a good ol’ fashioned gold rush.
“Gold! Gold, I tell ya!” exclaimed Newsom, banging his pots and pans. “Them thar hills are full of it! Board a steamship and come make yer fortune, minus 63% taxes! Hurry, hurry before you think twice!”
Newsom ordered several tent cities to be moved alongside wilderness rivers in an effort to showcase a massive dash to gold panning. The amount of fecal matter in California’s water supply is expected to rise precipitously as a result, but the Governor felt sure “gold fever” would overcome any reticence.
As an added measure, Newsom walked alongside the caravans leaving California, issuing dire warnings. “Quicksand! Quicksand up yonder, and coyotes to boot! No one will call you yellow-bellied for turning around!” he called, rattling his wares.
At publishing time, his heroic efforts appeared to have been all for naught, and a dejected Newsom was seen sitting under a tree muttering, “Oh, peaches.”
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
