NEW YORK—Planned Parenthood is celebrating its tenth holocaust this week after numbers revealed over 60 million people have now been eliminated from the gene pool through the work of dedicated abortionists.
"We are so proud of this incredible achievement," said Planned Parenthood CEO Iris E. Harvey. "Since our inception, we have been dedicated to weeding out unfit and inferior populations through population control and eugenics. Hitler was killed after only one holocaust, but we are proud to have continued his important work for 10 additional holocausts! Here's hoping for 10 more!"
Hitler's ghost also released a statement from the fires of hell, saying: "I'm proud to have so many dedicated Nazi stormtroopers continuing my important work. I also greatly admire Planned Parenthood's ability to turn an additional profit by chopping up their victims and selling their body parts to researchers while maintaining strong public relations. Genius!"
Planned Parenthood announced plans to celebrate the momentous occasion by offering discounted abortions to poor people, minorities, disabled people, and anyone else who "needs to be weeded out."
"You guys are rock stars," said a beaming Hitler.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."