WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a shocking technology malfunction during a recent appearance, President Biden was revealed to be a robotic human suit driven by former president Jimmy Carter.
"Listen, folks, gas lines aren't that ba--" said President Biden as he began to twitch. "If you, if you're, I, I, I... uh... what was I saying?"
There was then a series of beeping noises as Biden's face opened up, revealing former president Carter -- who could easily fit inside Biden's head due to his minuscule size -- sitting behind the controls.
Carter waved sheepishly at the shocked reporters. "Oops, wrong button. I'm sorry everyone! While I have you, Israel is an apartheid state and the next 4 years will probably be worse than the last 4 years...uh... forget you saw me, ok?"
Carter then pressed a button on his control panel and Biden's face closed and clicked shut.
"S-s-sorry about that folks," said Biden. What did I miss?"
Jen Psaki then swore the press pool to secrecy and gave them chocolate chip cookies.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
