WASHINGTON, D.C.—Press Secretary Jen Psaki took time during today’s briefing to address worries about inflation, comforting Americans with the news that prices are totally under control – outside of the things necessary to live.
“The media, you people I gave cookies to, have really blown this whole ‘inflation’ thing way out of proportion,” said Psaki. “Prices have not risen in most markets, with the tiny exception of essential necessities. But prices are rock steady when you look at, for example, battleships. The same goes for cannabis, tickets to Mars, and hula hoops. There’s all this talk about food and shelter when today you can still go out and buy a Rolex for the same price you could yesterday!”
Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy asked Psaki how regular people struggling to buy food would be helped by stable battleship prices. Psaki sighed deeply, then slowly growled, “No…more…cookies!”
Americans still worried about basic necessities were cheered up later when they learned from New York’s mayoral candidates that a house in New York only costs $50, and you can still buy a gallon of milk for one wooden nickel.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
