It's all too common in corporate America: you're hanging out by the water cooler and you suddenly think to yourself, "Hey, wait a minute -- is that guy over there with the AK-47 part of a violent insurgent group internationally recognized as terrorists? I think he just might be!" Yep -- accidentally sharing office space with terrorists is a real problem.
Make sure your building doesn't get leveled by a retaliatory airstrike by checking your office space for these eight signs that you might be sharing the building with terrorists:
1. You notice suicide vests hanging on the coat rack. - This could be a hint.
2. The tenants upstairs are constantly disrupting things with their loud footsteps and their rocket launches off the roof. - Upstairs tenants are the worst!
3. You hear cries of "ALLAHU AKBAR!" whenever someone empties the coffee pot and doesn't bother to make another batch. - Accompanied by firing an AK-47 into the air.
4. The office Christmas party gets awkward when the other tenants bring IEDs for the gift exchange. - This could get weird!
5. They only play CNN in the lobby. - The surest sign something is up.
6. Discussion around the water cooler centers on sports, TV shows, and cleansing the region of those who would oppose Allah. - When the other tenants start talking about pushing Israel into the sea, you should probably start wondering if your officemates aren't who you thought they were.
7. The other tenants are always reserving the conference room to film hostage videos. - Companies sharing space with one another can often result in scheduling conflicts.
8. You get notified by the IDF that you are sharing office space with terrorists and your building is leveled shortly after. - A sure sign that perhaps those guys upstairs were actually Hamas.
Welp, best get to searching for a new office to lease! Just keep an eye out for any of these warning signs so it doesn't happen to you again!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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