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Joel Osteen Unveils New Ultra-Thin Yacht That Can Fit Through The Eye Of A Needle

HOUSTON, TX—Multimillionaire prosperity gospel preacher Joel Osteen has come under fire, as some are suggesting he may actually be a grifter who lives in luxury while fleecing a gullible audience. Others cite the words of Jesus when He said, "It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven."

"Don't worry," said Osteen. "I have a brand new yacht designed just for that purpose!"

The cutting-edge, $100 million yacht boasts the thinnest profile of any yacht to date. Osteen remains hopeful it will be thin enough to sneak into heaven with all his riches.

"If you want to enter the kingdom of heaven as healthy and wealthy as I am, name and claim yourself a yacht today!" said Osteen to his congregation on Sunday. "You need to buy your own because there's only room enough for me on there. If you can't afford it, don't worry too much. Just focus on what you do have!"

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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