MOJAVE DESERT, NV—Conflict has heated up between Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, with Coyote once again being tricked into plummeting off a cliff. This has led to worldwide condemnation of the Road Runner and his disproportionate use of force, as the Road Runner has repeatedly and severely injured Coyote while Coyote has not once laid a hand on the Road Runner.
“The Road Runner has constantly caused Wile E. Coyote to explode, run into walls, and fall off of extremely high cliffs,” reads a U.N. resolution against the Road Runner. “This is abusive treatment of an animal that is merely hungry and has never (successfully) harmed anyone, and the abuse must end.” The resolution was signed by most members of the U.N. (though not the U.S.).
Despite wide condemnation of the Road Runner, President Biden has reiterated support for the Road Runner, saying the Road Runner has a right to self-defense against “coyotes and other predators.” This has put him in conflict with many progressives, including “The Squad,” who see a large imbalance between the threat to the Road Runner and the violence inflicted on Coyote.
“He is just a mean, mean bird,” said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “And what is he doing running around on the ground? The ground is not for birds.” Ocasio-Cortez started pounding her podium. “The ground is not for birds! He needs to go back where he came from... the sky!”
Activists are trying to get businesses to join in putting pressure on the Road Runner with an announcement they have joined forces with the ACME Corporation.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Hero: Illinois Governor Vows To Eat An Extra-Large Deep-Dish Meat Lover's Pizza Every Day Until Trump Is Stopped
"You look at Ghandi — he probably fasted at some point," Pritzker told reporters, as he unbuttoned his coat and reluctantly picked up his fifth piece of deep dish. "So I thought, Why don't I do that, except the opposite, and for a different cause of justice? President Trump, believe you me — I will never stop eating one entire extra large deep dish meat lovers pizza a day until you cease your tyrannical abuses of power and change your ways."I like this idea
White House Reporters Mystified By Press Secretary Who Answers Questions
"What… what is this madness?" asked Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy. "I should go get myself checked out by a doctor. I must be hallucinating. I had some type of waking dream today where I was in the White House briefing room, and there was this blonde woman there. And… and I asked her a question… and she just… answered. She just answered the question. There is no way it was real, right? That does not happen, does it?"https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-reporters-mystified-by-press-secretary-who-answers-questions
AirLyft Now Available For Plus-Sized Customers
"This is welcome news to all fatties, chubbos, and roundies everywhere," said Lyft marketing spokesperson Janine Granger. "We want to do whatever we need to do to provide reliable service to customers of all sizes — even total lardbutts. So now, when Tubby Bigbottom over there needs to get to the airport, he can just open up the AirLyft app and request a helicopter to come haul him away."https://babylonbee.com/news/airlyft-now-available-for-plus-sized-customers
