EDEN—Eden’s population took a sharp decline — down to zero — as the two residents, Adam and Eve, were kicked out of paradise for their intolerant views on gender. “Get out of here and take your MAGA hats with you!” yelled a cherubim at them as he set a flaming sword at the edge of the garden to block their way back in.
The conflict began when a snake in the garden asked them how many genders there were. Adam and Eve proudly answered two — being that there were the two of them — but this gained the ire of the more progressive angels, causing the couple to be banished for their view of how many genders they were.
“We’ve been canceled,” Eve sighed as they stared at the entrance to the garden.
“Can we ever get back into paradise?” Adam asked.
“No, there’s no coming back from being canceled,” Eve said, motioning to the flaming sword.
“I don’t even get what we did wrong,” Adam said.
“Didn’t you eat the fruit that gave us the knowledge of good and evil?”
Adam shrugged. “Yeah, but I wasn’t paying attention when I ate it. Well, at least we still have our good friend, the snake.”
“No,” the snake answered. “I can’t be seen with you anymore.” He then slithered off.
“So what do we do now?” Adam asked.
“Back-breaking labor to support ourselves,” Eve answered.
“Well, that... that sucks."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."