HAWTHORNE, CA—SpaceX announced today that they have completed testing on a revolutionary new, reusable military rocket that Israel and Hamas can keep firing back and forth at one another indefinitely. Shares of SpaceX rose 5% on the announcement.
“Our reusable rocket platform will allow warring factions like Israel and Hamas to significantly reduce the cost of their eternal squabbling,” said SpaceX Chief Engineer Elon Musk. “It’s pretty much a win-win-- and instead of blowing up, the rockets will carry leaflets with various insults written on them! Cool!”
Musk said the rocket will reduce the carbon footprint of traditional warfare by 72%. After dropping its payload over the selected target, the rocket will land safely in enemy territory, where they can reuse it to send more payloads.
At press time, Israel was already planning to drop leaflets featuring Wonder Woman star Gal Gadot to offend the sensibilities of their fundamentalist Muslim enemies. Leaders of Hamas, meanwhile, said they were still figuring out how to equip the rockets with explosives.
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