HAWTHORNE, CA—SpaceX announced today that they have completed testing on a revolutionary new, reusable military rocket that Israel and Hamas can keep firing back and forth at one another indefinitely. Shares of SpaceX rose 5% on the announcement.
“Our reusable rocket platform will allow warring factions like Israel and Hamas to significantly reduce the cost of their eternal squabbling,” said SpaceX Chief Engineer Elon Musk. “It’s pretty much a win-win-- and instead of blowing up, the rockets will carry leaflets with various insults written on them! Cool!”
Musk said the rocket will reduce the carbon footprint of traditional warfare by 72%. After dropping its payload over the selected target, the rocket will land safely in enemy territory, where they can reuse it to send more payloads.
At press time, Israel was already planning to drop leaflets featuring Wonder Woman star Gal Gadot to offend the sensibilities of their fundamentalist Muslim enemies. Leaders of Hamas, meanwhile, said they were still figuring out how to equip the rockets with explosives.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
