GAZA—BLM has expressed solidarity with Hamas and Palestine by sending organizers to protest Israel by rampaging through Gaza and burning down Palestinian-owned businesses.
"Everyone knows the best way to fight back against your oppressor is to burn down your own community," said BLM leader Patrisse Cullors. "We here at BLM are experts at that, so we figured the least we can do is help out."
BLM sent 500 of their best ground troops to enter Gaza at night. They immediately began looting the local shoe store and Halal market before setting fire to an apartment building.
"Free, free, Palestine! Free, free, Palestine! Black and brown lives matter!" they chanted loudly as the townspeople began to wake up.
"This seems kinda counterproductive," said one Hamas leader. "But, if it works in America, maybe we should try it here."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."