WASHINGTON, D.C.—After hearing AOC's heartrending and harrowing tale of survival against all odds during the January 6th Capitol riot, Congress has approved the addition of Ocasio-Cortez's likeness in bronze to the Iwo Jima memorial.
"Congresswomen Ocasio-Cortez is an inspiration to all Americans," said Senator Mitt Romney. "Her courage and bravery deserve to be immortalized for all time alongside the heroes who stormed the beaches at Iwo Jima, knowing they were running toward certain death."
World renown sculptor Alessandro Saltaformaggio will cast the sculpture after AOC's famous "crying pose" to remind the world how sad everyone should be about the worst attack on Democracy since the Civil War
There will be a somber dedication ceremony next week, where attendees will tell various stories of AOC's heroic bravery as violin music plays in the background. AOC will then cry in front of the memorial in a white suit while people take pictures.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."