WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has voted down a proposed commission to look into the events of January 6th after everyone realized that Trump actually won the election fair and square in 2020.
"Wow, I guess I never really saw it that way!" said Senator Chuck Schumer after Mitch McConnell made everyone sit in a semi-circle and watch a Newsmax special on election fraud. "The election was totally rigged! Total disaster! Completely and totally unfair!"
Schumer then got on his computer right then and there to write an apology letter to Trump.
"Trump and Mike Lindell were right!" exclaimed Nancy Pelosi. "I can't really blame Trump supporters for rioting at the Capitol anymore. I guess I would have done the same thing! Boy, was I an idiot! This whole experience has really put me in my place, that's for sure!"
Multiple Evangelical leaders took to social media soon afterward to celebrate the fulfillment of prophecy, as Trump was "totally vindicated".
Democrats are currently looking for ways to remove Biden so they can replace him with the one true President Donald Trump. Nancy Pelosi is now proposing an independent commission to look at the secret of Trump's incredible success as well as good looks.
Wow! Congratulations, President Trump!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
