Whenever we enjoy secular entertainment, as Christians, it's important for us to spiritualize it so we don't feel guilty. This is especially important when enjoying media that's downright filthy.
So next time you boot up a Grand Theft Auto game, take a few minutes -- perhaps during the loading screens -- to reflect on these important spiritual truths and pictures of Christ the game has in spades:
1. Murdering hookers reminds us of our depravity. - When you pay for a hooker's services and then run her over with your stolen sports car, you will be powerfully reminded of how sinful and depraved you are, pointing you to Christ. Wow!
2. The three playable characters in GTA V reflect the Trinity. - You can play as Michael, Trevor, and Franklin, switching between them at will, just like the Trinity. Wait, this one might be heresy actually. Still, it's too much of a coincidence to ignore.
3. We are reminded of God's justice when seventeen cop cars come screaming after us after we blew up a city block with a bazooka. - When the popo is hot on your tail, gunning you down with helicopters and dozens of squad cars, you'll be reminded of the justice of the Lord on the wicked. It's just like reading the Psalms.
4. The game takes up like 100 GB of hard drive space, reminding us that Christ should occupy our entire life. - Let the Lord take up your entire partition.
5. Spending time in the game's strip clubs is good practice for evangelizing the hurting, lost people of this world. - You will be moved to tears over how lost the strippers and the strip club patrons are in this game. It's a moving picture of how lost the world is, and you'll find yourself turning off your Xbox and running outside to go evangelize the lost in no time!
6. The game's compass and minimap guide us to the next mission, very similar to how the Holy Spirit leads us to His divine appointments for us. - Another one that miiiight be heresy.
7. Running over two dozen pedestrians in a garbage truck is a beautiful picture of the way Jesus runs over our sinful hearts when He saves us. - When Jesus saved you, he ran you over like a dump truck. You'll praise the Lord for His salvation every time you go on a murderous rampage in a truck!
Wow! Now go fire up your gaming PC to do some "devotionals" right this instant!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones.
"Listen, folks, black Justices can be just as smart, articulate, and clean as the rich ones," said Biden to reporters. "Just because they mostly stock the spaghetti sauce on the shelves in the ladies department of the department store and hang out with bad dudes like Corn Pop doesn't mean they can be judges too! Come on folks! This ain't complicated! If I haven't nominated you for SCOTUS, then you ain't black!"
Biden went on to say that he will choose a SCOTUS Justice based on qualifications, as long as those qualifications belong to someone with very dark skin and a female body.
"Mixed race judges don't qualify," said Biden, insisting they "aren't black enough."
It is so far unclear whether Biden will also nominate black men who identify as women, or whether he knows what a SCOTUS Justice is or even ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Beloved Hollywood starlet Peter Dinklage pushed back against Disney’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his efforts seem to have come up short.
“I feel cut off at the legs,” said the Game of Thrones star after hearing Disney’s low decision to keep dwarves in a movie about dwarves. “I expected at least a teeny-weeny concession from Disney; I feel overlooked.”
“Our attempts at inclusion were far from minuscule,” said Disney Chief Inclusion Officer, Lilly Putte. “We consulted with underrepresented communities through every teensy, minute detail, no matter how tiny. To hear Mr. Dinklage get on his soapbox and accuse us of a pint-sized effort, well it feels a wee bit stunted.”
Dinklage, who achieved stardom with a diminutive role in the movie “Elf,” as a man mistaken for an elf, admitted he feels in over his head a little when overshadowed by greedy movie executives.
His experience may be proof that universal inclusion in ...
PORTLAND, OR—Local atheist Marcus Blaine has been wavering in his atheism recently, wondering why good things happen at all. Marcus has found himself asking why he has it so good in what should be a cold, meaningless world that doesn't care whether he suffers or not.
“How could there be no God if so many good things keep happening?” asked Marcus Blaine. “Oh, Science forgive me as I wrestle and doubt. Forgive me for seeing beauty and wonder in a world as if it were designed by a Creator!”
Sources say that Marcus often says that he’s just a random collection of atoms and chemical reactions—that he’s just ‘dancing to his DNA’—but recently he just can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s more to his existence.
“What if it’s all a lie? What if atheism is just made up to make people feel smart and have a false sense of superiority?” Marcus cried out. “I mean obviously we’re just here by random chance, with no benevolent Being watching over us. But then ...
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