Well, it's pride month, which is a time of celebration for all orientations, biological sexes, and genders. Thirty full days of celebrating all the letters in the LGBTQ+ alphabet -- what fun! We at The Babylon Bee don't want to get left behind, of course, so let's kick off Pride Month with a list of our top two genders!
We had all our writers vote on their favorite genders and narrowed it down to just the best two. Here they are:
1. Women - Women took the top slot this year. Congratulations, women! Women are great. One of the best genders of all time-- everyone says so. They are really beautiful to look at, especially when they are married to you and they smile at you with those beautiful faces of theirs. According to experts, women make life worth living and fill the world with sweetness, warmth, and love! They have the amazing ability to think about 32 things at the same time and predict infinite possible outcomes to every scenario, kind of like Dr. Strange. Amazing!
Women are so amazing, in fact, that men spent thousands of years fighting wars and building civilization just so women could have air conditioning. Many of us Babylon Bee writers have even selected one wonderful person of this gender to spend the rest of our lives with, since they are so amazing.
Great job, women!
2. Men - Coming in a close second was men. Many of us were surprised that men didn't take the top slot. They have the distinct advantage, after all, of being able to pick what restaurant they want to go to. They are handy around the house. They also drive better and are way better at telling Dad jokes. They also risk their lives climbing high telephone poles and working on dangerous oil rigs, all so women can have air conditioning. But those factors just weren't enough to push them to the top. They tend to be way less good-looking than women, and way smellier. Better luck next time, men!
Congrats to the winners, and check back next year to see whether the same two genders top our list!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Biden prepares to nominate a woman of color to the Supreme Court, he took the time to remind the country that black Justices can be just as smart as rich ones.
"Listen, folks, black Justices can be just as smart, articulate, and clean as the rich ones," said Biden to reporters. "Just because they mostly stock the spaghetti sauce on the shelves in the ladies department of the department store and hang out with bad dudes like Corn Pop doesn't mean they can be judges too! Come on folks! This ain't complicated! If I haven't nominated you for SCOTUS, then you ain't black!"
Biden went on to say that he will choose a SCOTUS Justice based on qualifications, as long as those qualifications belong to someone with very dark skin and a female body.
"Mixed race judges don't qualify," said Biden, insisting they "aren't black enough."
It is so far unclear whether Biden will also nominate black men who identify as women, or whether he knows what a SCOTUS Justice is or even ...
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Beloved Hollywood starlet Peter Dinklage pushed back against Disney’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his efforts seem to have come up short.
“I feel cut off at the legs,” said the Game of Thrones star after hearing Disney’s low decision to keep dwarves in a movie about dwarves. “I expected at least a teeny-weeny concession from Disney; I feel overlooked.”
“Our attempts at inclusion were far from minuscule,” said Disney Chief Inclusion Officer, Lilly Putte. “We consulted with underrepresented communities through every teensy, minute detail, no matter how tiny. To hear Mr. Dinklage get on his soapbox and accuse us of a pint-sized effort, well it feels a wee bit stunted.”
Dinklage, who achieved stardom with a diminutive role in the movie “Elf,” as a man mistaken for an elf, admitted he feels in over his head a little when overshadowed by greedy movie executives.
His experience may be proof that universal inclusion in ...
PORTLAND, OR—Local atheist Marcus Blaine has been wavering in his atheism recently, wondering why good things happen at all. Marcus has found himself asking why he has it so good in what should be a cold, meaningless world that doesn't care whether he suffers or not.
“How could there be no God if so many good things keep happening?” asked Marcus Blaine. “Oh, Science forgive me as I wrestle and doubt. Forgive me for seeing beauty and wonder in a world as if it were designed by a Creator!”
Sources say that Marcus often says that he’s just a random collection of atoms and chemical reactions—that he’s just ‘dancing to his DNA’—but recently he just can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s more to his existence.
“What if it’s all a lie? What if atheism is just made up to make people feel smart and have a false sense of superiority?” Marcus cried out. “I mean obviously we’re just here by random chance, with no benevolent Being watching over us. But then ...
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